Bernstein: Nobody Misses The Patriots

It's just all so heavy when the Patriots are around until the Super Bowl.

Dan Bernstein
January 21, 2020 - 2:02 pm
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(670 The Score) Not having the Patriots around is the best thing that happened to this Super Bowl.

That the matchup is this compelling matters too, of course, with the Chiefs and 49ers providing contrasting styles, each team featuring dynamic young stars with new stories to be written and told. Their respective presences are the primary reasons why the next 12 days of breathless hype and hyperbole will be refreshingly palatable.

But it's all better without the Patriots. After three straight years and four of the last five with Bill Belichick and his Slytherin House death-eaters sucking up all the oxygen, the beleaguered sports fan deserves a break.

Enough. Enough of the grimness and calculated obfuscations from Belichick that are actually intended to make him as uninteresting as possible and are successful in doing so. Enough of Tom Brady with his artificial personality, his dangerously wrong health and wellness claims, his $15 bottle of water, the Vibrating Pliability Sphere, the MAGA hat and his weirdo Rasputin training guru. Enough of Josh McDaniels and whatever egotistical torment is turning his latest passive-aggressive job search into a telenovela only he wants to watch. Enough of whichever overachieving receiver bro is currently screaming "LET'S GOOOOO!" after catching a six-yard slant.

Enough recycling of the same highlights and just-now-updated Super Bowl records that carry the whiff of questionable legitimacy after more scandals than we can remember. The Patriots get busted and punished for using cameras to spy on multiple opponents, then are discovered to be conspiring to doctor game balls and most recently caught again recording an opposing sideline, only to deny that the football officials who mattered had anything whatsoever to do with it, because why would they?

And enough of Robert Kraft and his pathetic wandering willy.

If this is met with consternation and condemnation by notoriously crude and noisome fans offended by such a slight, so be it. Let them do all the usual heavily accented and locally idiomatic cursing expected. Enough of them, too.

It's just all so heavy when the Patriots are around, this franchise that as long as Belichick is charge seems to prefer to be a joyless dreadnought, plowing inexorably from task to task. It's why we liked Rob Gronkowski so much -- his real, irrepressible and infectious ebullience couldn't be contained by any negative energy. With him involved, we were less likely to even think about his former teammate and all the people he shot and murdered.

This isn't the Pats' day. It's going to be a much better run-up to a Super Bowl worthy of attention for the quality and novelty that it's offering.

I've no idea who's going to win this game, but I'm certain of one team that won't.

Dan Bernstein is a co-host of 670 The Score’s Bernstein & McKnight Show in midday. You can follow him on Twitter @Dan_Bernstein.