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Bernstein: McKnight Says He Can Eat 3 Whole Pizzas

Connor McKnight's claim will be settled in a competition next Wednesday.

Dan Bernstein
November 07, 2019 - 2:29 pm
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(670 The Score) I sat down to write about how pointless it would be for the Bears to bench Mitchell Trubisky, seeing how Chase Daniel is kinda old and kinda bad and represents no hope of anything. It's not like there's some cipher of a fifth-round pick sitting there asking to have unfounded upside projected onto him, and a properly deployed Trubisky is still probably better than Daniel anyway.

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But I can't get out of my head a long-running claim by my radio partner Connor McKnight that he can eat three Jack's pizzas in one sitting -- and with relative ease. He repeated it again today off the air, and we've decided to do this next Wednesday during the show. Enough talk.

I've always been a Tombstone guy, myself, but I know I'm entirely sated by one full-size frozen pizza, often enough less than that to make the remaining portion a viable and convenient lunch to pack for my son's next day at school. What's more, I usually try to leave the edges of the crusts from the slices arranged in a neat pile nearby, because frequently my wife will appear and snack on them, as part of our natural symbiosis.

So two of them -- entire sausage pizzas, every last bit of crust and all -- is probably doable and clearly regrettable. It's an accomplishment I could envision reasonably, but it would need planning, preparation and commitment. Three however, is right out.

Connor is 6-foot-3, maybe 180 pounds soaking wet and is a mere 33 years old to my 50, all factors well in his favor. But 33 isn't the same as 18 or 21 either. It's the beginning of the beginning of being something other than physically invincible, whether recovering from injury or being acutely overserved. Memories of similar feats of consumption dating back to college can provide false confidence for someone who can see the onset of middle age from where they may be, and it might be just one pizza in before this realization hits home.

He also has specified that these will be Jack's supreme version, with sausage, pepperoni, green pepper and onion. Each such pie is 15.8 ounces and 1,080 calories, which now that I look at it is significantly smaller than the Tombstone classic sausage that weighs in at 20.9 ounces. He might just do this.

McKnight says he has some kind of strategy that involves eating one on its own and stacking the other two into a double-decker arrangement that would mean fewer bites. The single pizza would be folded over like a quesadilla and eaten thusly, apparently. None of that makes for less food, so the producers and I aren't preparing to quibble about tactics unless we see something that raises clear concern.

As this has been discussed off and on in the offices and hallways, a surprising number of observers think it's a cakewalk for Connor, not even something particularly impressive to pull off unless a serious amount of hot sauce were also to be involved, which will be another subject of pre-contest negotiation.

But no matter, it's finally on after months of repeated claims, and all that just exempted you from a few minutes of trite and overwrought Bears thoughts.

Dan Bernstein is a co-host of 670 The Score’s Bernstein & McKnight Show in midday. You can follow him on Twitter @Dan_Bernstein.