Bears kicker Cody Parkey (1) misses a game-winning field goal attempt in overtime in a loss to the Dolphins.

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Bernstein: Bears Day Totally Wasted

The Bears' loss to the Dolphins had enough "No way!" moments for a whole season.

Dan Bernstein
October 14, 2018 - 4:40 pm

(670 The Score) That Bears game was drunk, and not in any good way.

It wasn't akin to having a bunch of beers over a few games of pool and then going for a late breakfast at the corner diner, a night at your rich friend's house when he's uncorking bottles of wine you could never afford or being out late at a jazz club in New Orleans on vacation. No, this was too much peach schnapps at age 15 kinda stuff or crawling back to your college dorm to see that your roommate had thrown up all over your bed. It was burning your wrist getting the frozen pizza out, dropping it on the floor, eating it anyway, burning the roof of your mouth and then passing out with the oven still on.

Let's get out of the way the fact that the Bears lost to the Dolphins in overtime in Miami by a final of 31-28, falling to 3-2 on the season.

Everything else that occurred from the moment we woke up Sunday is now a blur, a swirl of lucky bounces and questionable calls, impossibly timed plays and tackles missed and enough "No way!" moments for an entire season. Better just to list some of what developed in front of us.

Brock Osweiler started at quarterback for the Dolphins. He threw 44 passes and wasn't sacked.

Khalil Mack sprained his ankle in the first quarter.

Mitchell Trubisky completed 22 of his 31 passes for 318 yards, three touchdowns and one crippling interception in the end zone. He also threw several other dangerous balls that could've been disastrous.

His interception came after a phantom offensive pass interference penalty on Trey Burton for screening a defender on a Tarik Cohen touchdown reception. The score had appeared to put the Bears on their way to being up 28-13, but it ceased to exist, and it all got weird after that.

Jordan Howard fumbled at the goal line in the second quarter, and Kenyan Drake fumbled at the goal line in overtime. Cohen fumbled too, near the end of a tie game in regulation.

Osweiler completed a key pass that hit Adrian Amos and caromed directly into the hands of Kenny Stills.

Cody Parkey was signed to be a veteran kicker who could come through to win close games, and he missed the 53-yarder that would've won it in overtime. It looked like he sky-pointed afterward anyway, because of some strange arrangement he has, I guess.

It was 53 yards because Bears coach Matt Nagy played it very safe with inside runs, not trying to get the ball closer.

The Bears got off the bus missing tackles, allowing Dolphins over, around and through them from the first drive to the final field goal by Jason Sanders. They took bad angles and allowed fundamentals to abandon them, even after their bye week.

​​One of the weirdest and most frustrating NFL games in anyone's memory left us wondering just what the hell happened out there and who these Bears might be. We waited two weeks for whatever that was and whatever it meant, ultimately rewarded with three-and-a-half hours of football torture that may signify absolutely nothing.

A matchup with the Patriots next week is as sobering as it gets.

Dan Bernstein is a co-host of 670 The Score’s Bernstein & McKnight Show in middays. You can follow him on Twitter @dan_bernstein.​​​​​​​​​​